New Year, New Chance..

I know it may be a tad cliche, but honestly, why not take advantage of the "new beginning" we are all given?
Forget what happened, tonight, or yesterday, or last month or even last January for that matter. God forgives me, people forgive me, I need to forgive myself, and then start fresh...

Although the new year is a perfect excuse to think like this, why can't we think like this everyday? Why can't we see that everyday we are given a new chance, every second, everytime we screw up we can start over. That is an incredible thought.

Tonight was rough and in this new year I have alot of things I want to do, try, accomplish..

-Go to the gym, get BUFF!
-Learn to calm down, get ride of bad emotions
-Stay commited to my walk with God
-Less selfish
-Break some habits
-Avoid Temptaion
-Give myself up
-A Change in Character
- Begin to let God guide me instead of handling everythign myself..

All these are so tough, and I know alreayd thewre will be many times when I want to completley give up.... but I CAN'T, I SHOULD NOT!

I can't lose all hope... that is stupid, I have to be realistic, and if I am realistic I say I can do this... I mean I can do anything, right?

I want to paint...

Goodnight

Christmas

Awesome song performed by The Dave Matthews Band. Merry Christmas. God Bless... So Incredible.

She was his girl; he was her boyfriend
She'd be his wife and make him her husband
A surprise on the way, any day, any day
One healthy little giggling dribbling baby boy
The wise men came, three made their way
To shower him with love
While he lay in the hay
Shower him with love love love
Love love love
Love love was all around

Not very much of his childhood was known
Kept his mother Mary worried
Always out on his own
He met another Mary who for a reasonable fee,
less than reputable was known to be.

His heart full of love love love
Love love love
Love love was all around

When Jesus Christ was nailed to his tree
Said "oh, Daddy-o, I can see how it all soon will be
I came to shed a little light on this darkening scene
Instead I fear I've spilled the blood of my children all around"

The blood of my children all around
The blood of my children's all around

So I'm told, so the story goes
The people he knew were
Less than golden hearted
Gamblers and Robbers
Drinkers and Jokers, all soul searchers
Like you and me
Like you and me

Rumors insisted he soon would be
For his deviations
Taken into custody
By the authorities less informed than he.
Drinkers and Jokers all soul searchers
Searching for love love love
Love love love
Love love was all around

Preparations were made
For his celebration day
He said "eat this bread and think of it as me
Drink this wine and dream it will be
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children's all around
The blood of our children all around

Father up above, why in all this hatred do you fill
Me up with love, love, love
Love love love
Love love was all around
Father up above, why in all this anger do you fill
Me up with love, fill me love love love
Love love love
all you need is love
you can't buy me love
Love love love
Love love
And the blood of our children's all around

WHATS MY PROBLEM! OH WAIT....

All of a Sudden I am giving God a negative connotation, as soon as I see something I like, or do something I like I feel guilty, I have to realize he is the one who is blessing me with these things, he doesn't want me to feel guilty!

For example I just watched my favorite clip from this years tony awards, it was the Lion King performance and every time I watch it I get chills and it puts a huge smile on me, and gives me a positive outlook, it makes me feel like I can work to become something, I guess you could say it inspires me.... so I was watching this clip and then I thought about God and how I disappoint him, and I don't even know what I was thinking... but it was along the lines that God is pissed off at me and I shouldn't enjoy myself because of what I've done..then I got worked up again.. and now I'm realizing that that is stupid! God wants to bless me, and show his love and wants me to enjoy myself, just as much as I want all that for myself! He doesn't want me to miss out, just as much as I don't want to miss out....!!! AHHHH
I feel so good!!!!

I hate teenage emotions I am always so mixed up but I got this one now! I know what is going on!!! ... I NEED TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR BEING SO DISTANT.... GOD ALREADY FORGAVE ME FOR THAT..... AND AS FOR MY STRUGGLING FAITH THAT IS SATAN WANTING ME TO SUFFER! BUT SATAN... YOU SUCK!!! YOU SUCK EGGS!!! SO WOOOOOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAH!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Back To Square One.

Everybody has bad habits, right? RIGHT!
Is that and excuse? NO!
DAMN IT!

So yah, I have fallen once again and once again that fall has hurt me.. I guess in a sense I have given into temptation, but the wierd thing is I don't even want to do it, but I still do? What is that called? Addiction?

I asked for forgiveness, because the only one it hurt more than me was God. I don't feel right still, I can't blame the reason I did it, on anything or anyone else. It was just me, doing it. Shucks I say to myself, I'm dumb... but yet I brush it off with a smirk on my face? NOT COOL! I don't think I'm addicted because at this point in time I do not want to ever do it again, but as I recall past faulters this feeling is also there... it dosen't stay for long. So do I get over it, accept that I am forgiven and really put an effort in to not doing it again? Or do I wait until I feel "back to normal" which could take a while?

Jesus, please forgive me... I hate what I do sometimes, I am nowhere near the person you plan for me to be.

AHHHHHHH I get so frusterated with myself I don't know how everyone else can deal with me, seriously! That is ridiculous! haha

Winter Awakening

So I did as I said I would. I went to bed, but before, I read my bible...
I read Joshua..
"...I will never leave you nor forsake you...." When I read this I got a chill like a fan of fresh air flew into my room(all windows shut) and landed at the tip of my spine. I thought woah, does that just happen randomly? Then I thought how my last post must of really turned people off from christianity. For that I apoligize.

The truth is, it's a relationship(the way I see it), and in every relationship you have to take steps... you have to be there, you have to communicate, you have to believe and you have to love, and quite frankly I have been failing in all of those areas in my relationship with God, which makes me wonder... what have I been missing out on? God has so much he wants to give us, I know this.. without him I would be nowhere near the person I am today, I wouldn't have been to the places I've been, I wouldn't of had the oppurtunites and success that I had, and the list goes on. So just in these past couple of months, what has God wanted to give me that I wouldn't accept?

There is more than blessing that you get with a relationship with God, you get a new attitude, a positive outlook, warmth, love for others. And I also have been missing all those things.(See last post.)

I know what I NEED to do, so why don't I just do it?


Dear Reader, I apoligize for that large mess of words I call a blog.. Good ol' Self Discovery!

Flame Burning Out.

When I stop and take time to study who I am, what I do, and how I react to thing, I become less than impressed.
Lately it feels like my passion, my yearning to learn, to grow, to perfect, to live for God, all has gone to the dogs. I feel like I am "burning out"... And quite frankly, there is no need of that!
I need to get my act together, be cautious of my actions and how they make others feel, I need to live and believe in the God who made and believes in me everyday.

Another thing that won't stop tormenting my mind is this...

At a young age I was taught to believe in God, to worship and love this increidble Saviour. At first I went along with it, nothing felt special.. Then, one summer (two years ago) I had an incredible experience with Him. It became personal and intimate and I have been trying to go with that for two years now, I continuously have ups and downs, but at this point in time I find myself constantly questioning everything I was ever taught, things like "If I was raised not knowing about God, what would my life be like now?" or, "Am I missing out on things because I am so busy worrying about how this is affecting my relationship with Jesus?"....

As soon as my mind utters these thoughts I am pounded by mounds of guilt. Is all this confusion caused by the teenage mind? If so.... well that is just lame.. I want to know what is going on.

This is ridiculous, as I write this more things pop into my head, like.. if God is there he cannot be impressed with me right now, and if he isn't why am I waisting so much time worrying about what he thinks!

It's funny really, I was so secure in my faith and then I crumbeled, and now look at me.. a 16 year old guy sitting in his house worked up to tears wondering whats going on!

Damn you crazy adolescent emotions!

So what am I going to do about it, I am going to read my bible tonight before I sleep and ask for forgvness for thinking such foolidh thoughts.. I don't know what else to do.

Feel free to comment.

The Real Zac Efron

"Life passes by, if you don't stop and look around you just might miss it."

That's a possible something to live by.

I'm The real Zac Efron, or as some people call me, "CC". Zac stole all my moves and continues to repeat this hanious crime as we speak, that's where I got my name. I am in love with love and happiness, but as in all relationships, sometimes it dosen't work out. I am big into music, dancing, singing, acting, painting, laughing, thinking, speaking and breathing(it comes in handy). I have numerous best friends but I know one will always be there. I am a christian, I also love Jesus. I like to party and have fun. Comedy is great...