Back To Square One.

Everybody has bad habits, right? RIGHT!
Is that and excuse? NO!
DAMN IT!

So yah, I have fallen once again and once again that fall has hurt me.. I guess in a sense I have given into temptation, but the wierd thing is I don't even want to do it, but I still do? What is that called? Addiction?

I asked for forgiveness, because the only one it hurt more than me was God. I don't feel right still, I can't blame the reason I did it, on anything or anyone else. It was just me, doing it. Shucks I say to myself, I'm dumb... but yet I brush it off with a smirk on my face? NOT COOL! I don't think I'm addicted because at this point in time I do not want to ever do it again, but as I recall past faulters this feeling is also there... it dosen't stay for long. So do I get over it, accept that I am forgiven and really put an effort in to not doing it again? Or do I wait until I feel "back to normal" which could take a while?

Jesus, please forgive me... I hate what I do sometimes, I am nowhere near the person you plan for me to be.

AHHHHHHH I get so frusterated with myself I don't know how everyone else can deal with me, seriously! That is ridiculous! haha