Montreal and NYC

Tomorrow I head out for Montreal I am there for six days and then off to NYC for 5, I am very excited.
One thing I am worried about is staying close with god through my trip, I worry about this because I am going to be so jam packed busy with activities and what not.
I have to realize that God is my first priority, and without him none of this would be even possible.
I know what cannot happen if I don't stay close with God, and I do not want that to happen.
So, this will be my last blog for approx. 11 days.
Somehow I must keep myself accountable.

I am scared there will be family conflict I can feel tension already and I don't know if its on my behalf, I hope not.

Readers out there, please pray! These could possibly be the most incredible weeks of my life. God has that power.
I love you Jesus. How can we not see how blessed we are?

Talk to you soon, take care!

I was thinking what I was going to write today and then I decided I wasn't going to write a bunch of bull...
the truth is there are a couple of things in my life that at this point im not happy with,
One) Jealousy, I mean everyone has it but sometimes I feel like I need to work on it, alot of stuff that I get jealous about is my own problem.
Two) Im snappy at moments. I need to consume the patience and acceptance that Jesus had. I guess another I need to work on.
Anyway, I thought I would write that down, a couple things I notcied, and with gods help I will work on them.

A follow up on yesterday: With the help of God I totally amde the devil lsoe a few battles. I read a verse yesterday and I cant think of it off hand but it said, God will never put you in a situation of temptation and he won't let it happen to you unless he provides a way out. I will continuously look for the way out of that.

I guess sense I am closer to God I see more things within me that I want to change in order to be that person I want to be. I guess in a way I am becoming picky.

Jesus, please forgive me, and help me grow in wisdom and in love.

NO NO NO

Nothing, no feeling, no thought, no anything is worth letting down God and letting temptation rule.
Yesterday I said Satan is screwed and he is..
Today I learned that Slowly, BUT SURELY... I can overcome anything God, I have to stay consistent and go to God whenever I need help.
I think as a human race we have to realize that we can't succeed without God.



One thing I just want to put up here, today a friend of mine was nervous about something. I said Use the gift God gave you.... and then it hit me. Man, I need to take my own advice.
Sense things have been changing in my life with God I feel so much better. Man I could smile.

Light Bulb

I realized today that when I feel like I am coming back to who I am, to who God made me to be, the devil really gets pissed off and trys to ruin things. Sometimes he succeeds, like today, he tempts me with ridiculous things and I fall for it, and maybe its a combination of the devils temptation and of my "flesh", either or its bad.
Today I realized I am not going to let this happen, I have come so far, its unbelievable, and I will not miss out on anything else.
So Satan, your screwed, it's me and Jesus now, he loves me, and I think I have fallen in love with him. So "piss off!"

:D WOOOO

I Will learn the Sound of Silence.

When you came looking for me
I thought it was over
I thought we were history
And all I could think about
Was how I let You down
Oh, how I’d let You down
My heart has played the harlot
And wandered far from home
Like a ship without an anchor
Drifting on it’s own
When You came calling
Always calling
And down to the altar I go
All alone, together
And now on this altar I fall
Abandoned, surrendered, yielded
I am Yours!
I am Yours!!

I just spent about 25 minutes in my room listening to music and closing my eyes and really just focusing. I felt some really cool stuff. I grabbed a journal and just wrote down things that popped into my head. Here is some of them.
I've missed soaking in the splendor of his mesmerizing presence. You can simply stay there and just feel like nothing is wrong.
God hasn't given me something to say yet I feel like he is still working on building our relationship up and I know I can't rush that.
At one point I laid down and closed my eyes and saw me sitting in an empty room by myself crying out for God and this extreme glow of gold came hovering on top of me in the form of a blank and warmed me, and my heart.
One thing that happens to me whenever I close my eyes and really solely focus on God is I get shivers down my spine, and some people hate that, but for me it is a complete sign of feeling his presence.


All that was great, then the song Jealous by Phil Joel came on. That song does something to me everytime I read it, the lyrics at the top of this post is from that song, and I feel it totally is displaying a picture of God and I. At one point I just felt so filled with joy that I wanted to cry, but I'm not there yet. I was thinking about who I was, and what I've done for God and what he has done for me. He gives me so much, it is remarkable. I want to freely give myself up.

Lord, I want to yearn for you.



I know right, messed up blog, not so much organization, very scattered. That resembles my relationship right now. It is there, and it is finally working again, just a little scattered. I am excited to grow. And grow I will.

Romans 6

I was talking to a good friend recently and she asked if I really couldn't see what God has been doing in my life... after reading Romans 6 I realized that god speaks to me through the bible, I have to sit down and read it, I don't think I can so alot right now so i am just going to put all of Romans 6 on here,,,

Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ

¹What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ²By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

⁵If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. ⁶For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— ⁷because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

⁸Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. ⁹For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. ¹⁰The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

¹¹In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹²Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. ¹⁴For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness

¹⁵What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! ¹⁶Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. ¹⁸You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

¹⁹I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. ²⁰When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. ²¹What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! ²²But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. ²³For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I could say something but every single one of those verses and how in some way it empowers me. Take it for what you will, re-read that chapter... stunning.

Change of Scenery.

This may be selfish of me, but I feel like I need a vacation from life for a bit. School is done, and I can sleep in, but I feel like I need to move somewhere where God and I can be alone together, even just for a bit.

For some reason, I feel like God and I aren't talking, and I know very well I am not trying hard enough, but I don't even remember how God speaks to me. Or if he ever did.
Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel that every summer I get god high then I am on a high and it goes on and on. I feel bad for people who read this because I am constantly complaining about how upsetting my relationship with god is, when really I don't have a right to complain until I buckle down and try until I die...

What is keeping me from that? I have potential... I need to keep trying, really actually try and not be so darn lazy. Maybe then i can write in my blog about things God is doing in my life, instead of talking about how boring I am because God isn't in my life... man I get angry at myself...

Someone please hold me accountable, and forgive me for this endless blog of garbage!